The Times That Make Us Smile

There are days I'm not sure I'm really going to make it. There are days I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. There are days I question my priorities. There are days I'm lost in my own world of stress and exams and studying.

And then there are days that remind me of things.

Some days remind me of the suffering of others out there that I might someday be able to help. Some days remind me of the humanity I see in everyone around me. Some days remind me of the limitless possibility when you put in the time and effort. Some days remind me to stop and smell the roses.

These things remind me of how grateful I am to be here.

It was innocuous enough. Just a simple little conversation with some friends in the dorm. Nothing too special. Except today I let my guard down. Today I admitted I wasn't feeling all that well. Today I stopped trying to be and do everything and I just WAS. It's hard sometimes to break out of that mold we find ourselves in as pre-meds, where everyone you look at seems to do things better than you. I've had plenty of times in the past where I have envied others or wondered why I couldn't have what they have or do what they do. In some ways it made me more self-reliant, self-contained. I didn't want to reveal weaknesses or foibles. I didn't want to let anyone in for fear they might see the things I didn't want to look at.

You come to a point where you finally realize that everyone does something better than you do. And it isn't such a bad thing. After all, it's a lot of pressure being the smartest guy in the room (or at least pretending to be). It's a lot of work trying to be a perfectionist. It's a lot of work worrying about everybody else in the whole world and how you just can't seem to measure up to them.

And today I realized it just wasn't worth it to me anymore. I can be as competitive as I want and never be satisfied. Or, I can realize that the people who truly love me will love me as much for the things I do wrong as the things I do right. They will love my failures and my attempts just as much as I love theirs.

There is no such thing as perfection. And even if there were, it'd be a pretty lonely place.

(Many thanks to H, R, L, and S for loving me just the way I am. I'm truly indebted.)